ARKHAM.CARDS PRESENTS

The Investigator - Zoey Samaras

Sweet, sweet Zoey is a Guardian's Guardian. Durable and deadly, what Zoey Samaras may lack in raw fighting power she more than makes up the single-minded focus of her game plan: murder absolutely everything.

But it's okay! God told to her to do it, so it's technically smiting or something. Best not to ask too many questions.

Literally the only bad thing there is to say about her is that she only has 4 base combat and not 5. but her 4 base willpower makes her more durable versus treacheries than some of her beefer cohorts.

Signatures

Zoey's Cross - The cross is a tremendous signature which essentially allows you to forgo the income you'd get from Zoey's 'engage tax' once a round to instead do 1 free, fast damage to an enemy. Whether it means instantly one shotting a Swarm of Rats that isn't worth wasting an action on, getting you slightly closer to the Ghoul Priest's precious VP, or even just saving yourself an action and/or ammo on an enemy with an odd number of health, you'll never be sad to draw Zoey's signature asset. Since it triggers on engagement, it increases the value of certain utility cards such as Taunt that normally do no damage, and further boosts the effect of staples such as Spectral Razor and "Get over here!"

If we weren't already using Zoey's body slot for Bandolier, we'd definitely consider dropping Prepared for the Worst for Backpack to help fish the cross out more quickly. It takes up an accessory slot, which is often a dead slot for level 0 Guardians anyway, but it does mean we may lose out on maximizing Hallowed Mirror in games where we see both (at least until we buy Relic Hunter.)

Smite the Wicked - A mental trauma is particularly costly for Zoey given her low base sanity, but since Zoey doesn't have much to do but fight, it usually won't be a problem for her to find the time to dispatch whatever enemy this gets attached to since hacking and slash is already her full time job, making this one of the less threatening signature weaknesses in the pool since we don't need any additional tools to deal with it. So long as you don't get unlucky and draw it on the last turn of the scenario you'll be fine, but don't be shy to ask for help taking care of it if time's running out and your clue-getting buddies have access to tools like Small Favor or Occult Invocation

The Deck - Holy Orders

Weapons

As tempted as I am to use Zoey's off-class card slots in order to give her the Meat Cleaver which is in her goddamned portrait, the fact of the matter is that Guardians have access to enough viable level 0 weapons that it would just be a waste. Of course, we're not gonna use any of them, because that would just be boring!

Blessed Blade - Without the 'native' bless support of, say, Sister Mary, Blessed Blade loses a lot of its potency, but it remains one of the few ways for level 0 guardians to reliably get bless tokens into the bag, and we're gonna need all the help we can get in that department.

Machete - Now that Machete is back off the taboo list, we can resume abusing it until we find the XP for some "better" weapons. If you still feel gross about it, this could also be Enchanted Blade or even Survival Knife. Either way, it's eventually getting replaced with...

Holy Spear - God gives his worst level 5 weapons to his strongest soldiers, so we're gonna give Zoey two of these bad boys. The eventual goal is to dual wield with either 2x Blessed Blade for maximum bless (or even another Holy Spear), with the help of Bandolier.

Assets (Which Are Not Weapons)

Beat Cop - It's a little boring, but it's hard to beat good old Beat Cop when you want to punch harder or do a little fast, testless damage. We'll upgrade one of these into Nephthys pretty early on, and then you can decide whether you want to upgrade the other to level 3 or splurge on Agency Backup (and perhaps pickup a Charisma along the way.)

Nephthys - Hi. Nephthys, is it? That's kind of a mouthful; is it okay if I just call you Nep? Great. What's that you say? You help us recycle bless tokens and do fast, testless damage? Did we just become best friends?

Stick To The Plan - Nice try, Geared Up, but Zoey's sticking to (God's) plan and spending her first 6 XP on a good card that will make sure she has access to enough Emergency Caches to actually play three assets at a time. Just, who do you think you are, putting on such airs?

Sacred Covenant - Since we don't have much native bless generation, we need to make sure the bless tokens we add to the bag stay there for as long as humanly possible. This should probably be your second upgrade after Stick To The Plan.

Hallowed Mirror - What is normally a staple for a very uncompetitive slot is now a sad afterthought in the shadow of Zoey's Cross. For those games were you just never see the cross because it's always on the bottom of your deck, Hallowed Mirror is a decent consolation prize, but otherwise it's just benchwarming until we can pick up Holy Rosary (and Relic Hunter.)

Bandolier - Level 0 Bandolier is a trap. A sick joke, really. But Level 2 Bandolier is the stuff Guardian dreams are made of. You're telling me I can carry around two Holy Spears at the same time? And you boost my treachery resistance, thereby proc'ing Holy Rosary more often, AND boosting my Spectral Razors and Enchant Weapons? Stop. You had me at two Holy Spears.

Ace of Swords - You're gonna wind up with 1 XP burning a hole in your pocket at some point. Might as well spend it on something that makes you punch better.

Keen Eye - As a Guardian, you're probably never gonna have the money to spend on this, but if everything goes to plan you won't ever need to. But for those games where you mulligan'd every card in your opening hand and then whiffed on [Prepared For The Worst] and still somehow ended up with no weapons, you'll be glad its here. And if for some reason you find your coffers are overflowing, you might even be able to snag a clue or two. "Look at me, guys! I'm helping!" you'll say, with manic glee in your voice and a wild look in your eye. Oh, how the communion wine talks.

Events

Ever Vigilant - Guardians have 2 main concerns: playing a bunch of assets and coming up with the money to afford to play a bunch of assets. Ever Vigilant helps us do both (and is mercifully a tactic that we can throw on Stick To The Plan so we get access to it on turn 1.) Once you've got that combo setup, your mulligan flowchart becomes a lot simpler: Is this card an asset? No? Then mulligan it.

Prepared For The Worst - Since time immemorial, scholars have grappled with the most ancient of questions: is Prepared For The Worst even a good card? Well, certainly not at level 0. But as soon as you've bought your first 5XP weapon, it starts to feel more worthwhile. We'll throw this on Stick To The Plan and then whiff it every single game just to flex on these hoes.

Emergency Cache - Mo' assets, mo' money problems. We'll throw this onto Stick To The Plan (and probably upgrade it at some point) to make sure we have enough money at the start of the game to actually be able to afford the three assets we're about to play with Ever Vigilant.

Keep Faith - Is this the best bless generation in the game? I don't know. Does it feel good to play this right before you load up a Holy Spear with it? You bet your goddamned ass it does.

Tempt Fate - 3 curse tokens is a small price to pay for 3 bless tokens. Not to mention a whole new card, which could be anything! Even a Holy Spear!

Enchant Weapon - You might be surprised to learn that Guardians have two Arcane slots. I know I was. Sure, you could put Brand of C'thg... Kuh-too...? or Flesh Ward in there. But that's barely gonna generate any endorphins in your brain at all. What if you use them to make your Holy Armory even stronger, instead? You can even bless your friend's pathetic Knife with it and turn it into God's Toothpick if you're feeling generous (or have failed to draw into any of your own weapons yet). Since it grants a bonus based on your willpower, they'll be getting at least +4 in addition to that extra damage. It's free real estate.

"Let me handle this!" - For me this was already an auto-include for all murder-focused investigators, but since Zoey will actually pay us a dollar every time we use it to rescue our cluegetting buddies from the scary monster they just drew, it's a no brainer here.

Spectral Razor - I'm kind of the opinion that if you can run Spectral Razor, then you probably should. 3 damage (and a free engage) on an enemy is nothing to sneeze at -- particularly if that enemy is aloof, or engaged with another investigator that you run the risk of team killing if you draw a tentacle.

Faustian Bargain - Since we're ideally offsetting the curse tokens with our bless generation, the downside to '5 free dollars from the devil' is somewhat neutered here. The lord works in mysterious ways!

"Get over here!" - Sometimes your buddies will run off to new locations without you and then get immediately swamped with enemies. Wouldn't it be nice if you could leap across the battlefield like a damn barbarian from Diablo and save them from themselves? Well, you can't. (At least not until you upgrade this to Righteous Hunt.) But you can whip out your go-go-gadget-enemy-magnet and pull the baddies to you. Action compression isn't just for Seekers anymore, and there are some edge cases where moving an enemy around the map is actually pretty useful.

Stand Together - The only friend Zoey needs is The Lord, so jot that down, but during rounds where there aren't any enemies in play, you probably won't have very much to do. Use this to give a friend a couple of bucks and remind them to be grateful they brought you on board. Make sure to point out that the money has 'In God We Trust' printed on it. They'll love that.

Grievous Wound - Grievous Wound...you're a worse card than I expected. There's a lot of words on this card for what amounts to Vicious Blow, but worse. We'll upgrade this into something cooler like Radiant Smite soon enough.

Skills

Vicious Blow - Would you like to do 1 extra damage for the low, low price of 1 card? No? Fine. Take your Overpower and get out of here. See if I care! ...Cause I do!

Upgrade Path